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sometimes at night i just sit outside and make up stories about all the people that walk by. one time there was a couple holding hands, and he kissed her forehead, kind of in mid-step, and i made up a history for them.
my handwritten journal is becoming a novel. since i've been grounded so long i write in it all the time
the river is my favorite place now , but i haven't been able to go down there in awhile.
when i was little i can remember never being inside. i was always playing chinese tag, and hide and go seek, and flashlight tag. i miss that.
i hate wearing socks that aren't the low, ankle cut.
i use the word and too much.
i know how i want my house to be someday. i want it to have a big porch, shutters, and a ton of windows. i've always loved windows and big kitchens. i want to decorate the bedrooms in corals, sea foam greens, and turquoise. or totally opposite, i want marble and all stainless steel.
i love summer. i truly don't ever want this season to end.
i don't feel my age. but i don't feel any other age, either.
i have a tendency to get jealous very easily. i hate that.
when i was younger, my dad built my sisters and i a huge playhouse. i loved that playhouse. we had one of those fake little kitchen sets in it, and my neighbor hoarded stray cats so we would always play with the cats and stay up in that playhouse. we would spend hours in there. it was our own little world. when we moved i remember being so upset and begging my parents to haul it with us haha. we came back to visit our old neighborhood one day to find that our beloved playhouse was ruined. i was so angry. so at our new house, my dad built us another one. i was too old to play in it by then but it was great for sleepovers :) but the same thing happened-once we moved it was torn down. we spent weeks slaving away building and painting, and they just destroyed it. it's sad.
it's funny how you can talk to someone you used to be close with but haven't talked to in over a year or two, and it seems as though nothing has changed.
i wish i was still in elementary school. it's weird how getting older does nothing but make me want to go back in time.
one of the best days of my life was at my uncle's house in New Hampshire. i can remember everything about that day. we set off fireworks by the lake, and went out in these olive green paddle boats till we reached the tiny island in the middle. we took turns jumping off the cliffs into the frigid water and i felt so alive. for the first time i understood why someone would live in such seclusion. it was wonderful. i don't wish to go back in time, i just sometimes wish right now lived up to that. but i am happy in this moment.
i look up to my cousin Jocelyne, more than anybody else in my family. she's been living in Oregon for 7 years. she used to go train hopping, and saw the world for 2 years. then she finally settled down. her & her boyfriend grow their own crops out in the middle of nowhere. they don't have running water or anything, they just live off the land. they seem completely happy and i think thats beautiful.
i could stare at the stars forever. i get lost in them so easily.
i've always found comfort in the nighttime.
i can't wait for the oya festival!
i've always sworn that love is enough. i think that makes me naive.
lately, i've been imagining where i am going to be in ten years. and not knowing is okay. i hope i am content. that's all i really want out of life.
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cannibalxcore's journal
